Through the Storm
by stefanie-k
Summary: What's the difference between a "want" and a "need"? Tamaki x Haruhi. Warning: Spoilers for Chapter 75.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran. I wish I did, because the mess that is Chapter 75 would never have happened.**

**A/N: I wrote this... because Chapter 75 bugged the living daylights out of me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and cry. So here it is, Tamaki and Haruhi's thoughts after the fact. No fluff, sadly... none whatsoever, actually. I was thinking of continuing it, but I don't know. Please R&R. I'd like to see if you guys like it enough for me to continue it.**

* * *

**Through the Storm**

Tamaki tossed and turned in his bed that night. He couldn't sleep. He wasn't sure that he could sleep ever again. The words he said to Haruhi were blindingly painful. He couldn't believe that he said those things to her, and that he even had the audacity to grab her wrist. Now, he couldn't take it back. He would have to live with what he had done… to the person he loved.

He was staring up at the ceiling now, a single tear falling from his eye and onto his pillow. He wiped at his already puffy eyes. He'd been crying since he arrived back at the main house, though he took all precautions to not let either his father or his grandmother see. His grandmother would have probably admonished him something awful if she did, or said something cold… or even worse, smile. That would have killed him—just her satisfaction in being able to manipulate him so.

What would it be like at school? How would she react to him from now on? Would she even _want_ to see him anymore? The answers to those questions were dismal. She probably wouldn't want to see him—let alone be around him long enough for him to get a reaction from her. What about the others? They were there to see this scene go down. Did _they_ even want to talk to him after this? Kyoya had accompanied him in silence as they returned to the school, and he only caught glimpses of the others as he walked the hallways for the remainder of the day.

He clutched Kuma-chan closer to his chest, to his barely beating heart. Cold… he had never been that cold to anyone before, and it broke his heart that he had to be like that to Haruhi. Was all this worth it? Was his future as the patriarch of this family worth it? Was it worth losing her?

_I wanted this… I __**wanted**__ this._

But did he really? Was this the ultimate price of his desire to become the head of his family? To give up someone he held so dear? Someone whose smile could light up his day and make his heart flutter, someone whose presence made his day complete, someone whose determination inspired him… he _couldn't_ lose her.

As he lay awake in his bed, he heard the rumble of thunder outside.

A mess of thoughts fought their way through his head as his hands started shaking. He sat up in bed and looked out of the window at the flashes of lightning. Another tear fell down his cheek.

He needed her. He needed to be there for her. He promised her.

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Haruhi continued to tremble as she replayed the memories of that night at Nekozawa's beach house in her mind. Tamaki was there for her then. He protected her—sheltered her from the storm. Where was he now? He called her a "burden." Tears threatened to fall from her eyes right then and there just from hearing those words, but she didn't cry—she couldn't, purely out of shock. This was a side of Tamaki she didn't think existed. After everything, after all the things she thanked him for… he _hurt_ her.

The tears flowed freely the moment the thunderstorm began. She still clutched the earplugs he gave her in her hand, but she refused to wear them. Using them would only make her think about him more, and she didn't think she could bear it. To her, it was much better to ride out the storm alone, like she always had before Tamaki-senpai ever came into the picture. And to her, Tamaki-senpai was out of the picture once again.

She wouldn't be able to face him at school anymore. If she saw him in the hallways or caught a glimpse of him in a classroom, she would walk by and pretend not to notice. She resolved that she would never let him see how much he hurt her. It would be easy for her, since he was no longer in the Host Club. Those letters would stop, along with those ridiculous quizzes he sent her. The school was large enough that there was only the slim chance of them bumping into each other.

Though she could never hate Tamaki, she could still dislike him. And though she didn't want to admit to herself that she still loved him, she did. That was the reason why her heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. Was this the way it was supposed to end? Weren't there always happy endings? Apparently in her case, there wasn't one. Though this typically happened in the Shoujo manga she read, something would happen that brought the hero and heroine back together again.

But this wasn't a Shoujo manga. This was real life. She could compare her actions and feelings almost to a tee, but not all real life endings were happy. She could hope, and dream, and wish… but none of those would guarantee her Tamaki-senpai. The only thing she could do was continue on… without him. Haruhi almost felt like she was back at square one, that first day at Ouran Academy, where she knew nobody. Though she still had the other guys, it all felt empty to her without Tamaki-senpai. It was incomplete somehow.

As another boom of thunder reverberated through the sky, she let the earplugs drop to the floor.

_I don't need him… I __**don't**__ need him…_

But she did need him. She always would.


End file.
